Moving to Windows

Yes, this was an April Fools’ story. I am not switching to Windows.

After years of trying to convince others, and myself I might add, I’ve decided that Windows is in fact the superior operating system. Yes, that’s right. I’m moving from Linux to Windows. Some of you may wonder what prompted this seismic shift and you deserve an explanation. Last night I had a dream and in it, a Windows butterfly just kept fluttering around this little pudgy penguin’s head. Try as he might, the penguin couldn’t swat the butterfly away. Finally, exhausted, the little black and white penguin sat down on his iceberg and softly, ever so softly, the butterfly landed on the penguin’s head. Suddenly, a bright light engulfed the penguin, transforming him from dull monochrome to a colorful peacock-like explosion; a veritable CMYK palette, though somehow still limited to 24 bits.

I woke up in a cold sweat and immediately went to write some things down. When inspiration hits, you don’t wait. Here’s what I finally understood.

I realized that all this ‘making things easier’ on the user, not having to worry about viruses and spyware, is actually making us bad computer users. The same goes for stability. Linux users are sloppy, spending far too little time worrying about the security of their systems. Regular reboots force you to recognize and appreciate the work your system does. The fact that Linux is free, both as in beer and freedom, is even worse. Open source makes us suspicious of others, particularly large corporations. What business do we, as end users, have to question the people who write our software? Closed source is a company’s God-given right and since God has given them that right, then everything Microsoft does is part of God’s plan. And free as in beer? That too is nonsense and threatens to destroy our capitalistic way of life. When capitalism dies, so does democracy. And when democracy dies, the Earth will be engulfed in ice, locked in another ice age. What good will global warming have done any of us then?

I looked at my words, my hand shaking, and faced with their harsh truth, I was horrified at what I had done these past years. Ye Gods! Not only had I written extensively about this plague of Linux and open source software, but I had actually gone on radio and national television where I said good things about Linux and open source.

In light of this, I’ve just signed a new book deal with Addison Wesley to write “Moving to Windows”, a guide for people currently running Linux who might need some help in making the transition. Look for it next April 1st.

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