One of the most ridiculous notions in religious dogma is that of demonic possession, followed inevitably by exorcism. The practice, aside from being completely insane is also barbaric and inhumane. For the purpose of this article, I'm going to concentrate on the insanity.
Did you know that there is such a thing as the "American Association of Exorcists". All "Christians actively involved in some aspect of Spiritual Warfare Ministry or Exorcism-Deliverance Ministry" can become members for free, but if you want a nice certificate to frame and show your customers that you really can cast out demons, then that's $30 paid bi-annually. No, not bi-sexually, but bi-anually (I think I smell a demon or Loki). Since they don't mention a frame, I'm guessing you need to hit your local Wal-Mart if you want to display your membership proudly.
Okay, now that you're laughing at these crazies, let me introduce you to the other crazies. They would be the Catholic Church. Still laughing?
Father Gabriele Amorth, a spry 88 year old, is the Catholic Church's top exorcist, who claims to have sent 160,000 demons back to hell. Amorth is also the head of the International Association of Exorcists which is not to be confused with the American Association of Exorcists where membership is says he wants Pope Francis to allow all priests to start performing the ritual to deal with a rising demand for exorcisms from the faithful.
If you were broght up a Catholic, you may not be aware that all bishops are trained as exorcists. As nutty as the idea sounds, it's deeply engrained in the church. Father Amorth thinks that all those bishops can't possibly keep up with the number of demonic possessions and so he will ask Pope Francis, the monarch of Vatican City, to make it possible for all Catholic priests to perform exorcism without special approval. In the words of Father Amorth.
"I will ask the pope to give all priests the power to carry out exorcisms, and to ensure priests are properly trained for these starting with the seminary. There's a huge demand for them."
Francis himself is said to have recently done an exorcism in St. Peter's Square as shown in the video below.
To which I reply . . .
Demonic possession? What are we? Five years old? Do these people have the remotest clue how fracking insane they sound? The religion is nutty enough on its own, but add exorcism to the mix and you've just strapped a rocket pack to your motorcycle and missed the Holy Shark by several miles!
Let's pretend for a moment that Amorth is genuine in his belief and his statement.
If he did one exorcism a day, it would take 438 years to exorcise 160,000 demons. If he does 10 exorcisms a day, that's still 43.8 years of doing exorcisms but it's somewhat more likely.
Assuming the guy eats, sleeps, and poops more or less like a normal human being, that's an average of 60 minutes per demon if he does absolutely nothing else which seems unlikely.
Assuming the reads the odd book, talks to non-possessed human beings, attends meetings, does the priest thing in church, and spends some time going from place to place, we should probably drop the time for the average exorcism to 30 minute each, 10 minutes of which will probably involve some kind of preparation.
What all this tells me is that he's either full of shit or the average demon is a wimp, putting up little or no fight. And if demons are so pathetically weak, why even bother?
When I have more time, I'll address the issue of barbarism surrounding the practice of exorcism. Right now, I just want to make fun of these people and subject them to the ridicule they deserve.
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