Max Out Your Credit Cards. The End Is Nearly Here!

If you're waiting for December 21, 2012 to usher in the Apocalypse, you may be late for the party. And your last chance to max out your credit cards and have one hell of a party. It's that close. You now have less than a week.

Sure the End Of The World ™ has been coming  on and off for, oh, at least a couple of thousand years. Jesus himself said that some of his apostles would live to see the end of the world. "Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled." (Matthew 24:34) But that was Jesus and hey, what did he know? It's not like he had the Bible to refer to. That's where guys like Harold Camping, president of Family Radio, (a chain of Christian broadcasters in the United States) has it over a guy like Jesus. He's got a Bible to check his facts whereas Jesus had to just wing it. 

Yes, Jesus had it wrong, but let's be fair to the man. It's not like Camping, with the benefit of the big book to refer to, hasn't blown it before. The original end of the world according to Camping happened in 1994. Or rather, it was supposed to have happened in 1994. Maybe it did and we're all living in the singularity. Or the Matrix. In case you don't know, the Singularity is sometimes referred to as the Techno-Rapture whereas The Matrix is sometimes referred to as a spectacular movie with two really bad sequels. But I digress . . .

Camping does admit to having been wrong about 1994 but this time he's sure. Through a complex and no doubt dizzying series of calculations based on the age of the Earth, the time of Christ's birth, and the specific gravity of the average pepperoni pizza, Camping now has it right. In fact, he's so sure that Family Radio has put up billboards all over the United States, and even in remote places like Canada. You may even see some of his warning ads on buses and subway trains. Oh, and on radio. And television. All those warnings are there to help you get ready for the Rapture. Which frankly sounds less than rapturous to me. I've experienced rapture and let me tell it you, it was great. Every single time.

Sorry . . . billboards and stuff. There are also links to a Website where you can make donations. This isn't a profit making venture, my friends. The funds collected are to help reach more people and warn them of the Apocalypse. Of course.

So THE END is coming on May 21, 2011 starting with a massive earthquake that will presumably bigin in New Zealand (that sounds oddly familiar). But that's not all. Not by a longshot. After the globe-spanning quake, there will be five months of hellish torment for those who aren't killed by the earthquake — during that time, there will be nothing broadcast but reality TV, no matter what station you turn to. Those horrifying months will then be followed by the Rapture on October 21, 2011, which will begin, also presumably, in New Zealand.

So, prepare yourself. For the end is finally nigh. Or not.

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